John 11

Lord. Thinking still about John 11.  Mary thought You weren’t there when she called to You to come.  But You weren’t far off.  Maybe You were in body but not in Spirit.  John says that you loved her…and waited two more days?  And waited?  Really,  Lord?

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Costa Rica sky above our home 2009

What did You do when she didn’t come out with Martha to meet you – You told Martha to ask her to come to You!  You asked for her!  and then You cried with her!

 

I am Mary, calling.

Lazarus dying.

I know that You will come.

 

I am Mary, hoping.

Knowing your love for me…for him…

You won’t ignore my plea

You will come and make things right.

 

I am Mary, fighting fears.

hours pass.  brother dies.

And absolutely. no word.  from you.

 

I am Mary, sick.

Remembering you  who never,

NEVER ignores cries for help?

 

I am  Mary, wondering

How could I be so wrong?

What do you really think of me?

 

I am  Mary, bereft

Of brother, of hope, of you

Why did I think you would come?

O, why did you not?

 

I am Mary, confused

Guarded in my trust in You

Even when you come

I stay back.

determined not to risk.

 

I am Mary,  staying back

When  Martha runs to meet you

No more will I throw myself at you.

 

I am Mary, crying.

No longer able to distance self

Why? Why? Why didn’t You answer?

 

I am Mary, wondering

As You join me in my tears

Grief flowing freely.

 

I am Mary, watching.

Sorrow and Strength combine

“Lazarus, come forth!”

 

I am Mary, pondering.

Who You really are

You, who walk by no man’s times

Loving me yet giving me no answers.

 

I am Mary, perplexed.

You speak with such sorrowful words

I wash Your feet.

 

I am Mary, dying.

They put you in the grave.

Pain, unbearable.

 

I am Mary, going.

to my only Home

Laying in the tomb.

It’s too much, Lord.

Too up and down.

No, it’s not too much.

 

I am Mary, hearing.

Grief tearing, of course I  would think You were the Gardener.

You are.

O how you speak my name.

 

I am Mary, clinging.

I will never let You go.

You leave me – again?

Again loving  me – yet denying me?

 

I am Mary, hoping

Knowing  Your love for me

You will not ignore  my plea.

You will come back and make things right.

 

I am Mary, learning.

how to wait.

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