Newborn

Hebrews 3:14  “holding our first newborn confidence and original assured expectation firm and unshaken to the end

Image

When I was a newborn

kicking and screaming

unable to save myself

move myself

think

Unable to walk

hold

see

only able to cry out

loud,

helpless

tears,

You saved me

You cared for  me

You cleansed me

wrapped  me safe, sweet smelling

robes

of righteousness

And You fed me

and birthed in me

An Assured Expectation

that was  Firm

and Unshaken to the ends of my very world,

That You would hear my cries

and quiet them

by giving  me

what I needed…

And now I am

O, so much older and  wiser

And  many, many a time

I have cried

and though You say You heard  me,

You rarely

quieted my tears

by giving me what I thought I needed…

And that

newborn confidence?

That assured expectation

that was originally a part

of my very breathing?

became laboured,

a thing  of the past.

And I seem to have lost my footing, Lord.

My assurance and expectation

is that yes,

in Heaven,

all will be made right.

But what of all those crying today?

Are You coming to their rescue?

Children huddled under blankets

shamed from the touch,

hungry from the lack,

thirsty for rescue.

Mothers weeping at windows

Prodigals marching in defiance

wanting nothing to do with You,

with Good,

with  Life.

Bodies wasting disease filled,

Minds wandering jigsaw puzzled.

And  I keep stumbling over my expectations

of When

and Where

and How

Tripping over my own definitions

of What Your power

wisdom

goodness

must

and should be.

For I am no longer a newborn babe,

unable to walk, think, see…

O no, I am wise now, Lord.

“Did He really say He was the father of the fatherless?  That He came for the afflicted, poor, needy?  that he would set the lonely into families?”

And I question, in such a righteous manner,

Your Power, Wisdom, Goodness.

I especially question Your timing

Your ability to squeeze good water from evil stone

Your Promise to work all things for good,

And instead of trusting,

crying out “Lord, I am helpless!”

I think

and think

and use my wise sight, my wise ways of observing

and drawing conclusions,

and refuse to wait,

patient,

like a weaned child.

I feed on my own wisdom, which leaves me empty, hopeless, lost, despairing of life itself.

I question You

instead  of questioning my own thinking

O God!

This arrogance of mind and continual straying from Truth that

You mean what You say and Say what You mean…

And I think, perhaps,

one MUST STAY

like a newborn baby

who can only cry,

loud and helpless,

With  Assured  Confidence,

and Yes, Expectation

that You Will Do All You Say,

and it is impossibly impossible ever and ever

for You to Not act on the behalf of Your children,

But like a child I must wait, mustn’t I, Lord.

Wait, Child, You  tell me

Wait.

 I am coming.

And All will be made Right

      and Whole

and Good

 and

                                       Parents  WILL receive their children back from the dead,

                                and

                                      faith WILL be sight

                               and Good will be Good

                               and tears turned to joy.

 Yes.

 I am Here, but I also Am  Coming.

                 I Promise.

             And I am not a  man that I should lie.

Hold fast your confidence, child of Mine,

    your assured expectation

          firm and unshaken

                until the end,

                       Which will be, child of Mine,

                            the Beginning.

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